Christmas time is upon us again, and this year brings new emotion for me. I have always loved Christmas time. Magic is truly in the air. This year I look at the magic that lives in my son and I wonder at the goodness and glory of God, without whom I would have nothing of true meaning. Presents are commonly the foremost thought on all people’s minds this time of year; what to give and what to get. Never before have I felt so heavy with a tangled mess of joy and sadness. I look at the world we live in and I see the suffering of so many. There are babies who are hungry and cold. There are men and women who have lost what little they have and they are alone. There are children who don’t get to experience a tree full of presents with their names on them. There are people worlds away fighting for what they believe in, whatever that may be. There are souls battling addictions, and sinful behaviors, screams in the night of secrets they hope no one will find out about them. I get so caught up in what to buy for my son and my husband, I feel bad that this year has been less than great for us and that I can’t give to everyone I know something wonderful to make them smile. But then the greatest guilt comes when I realize that these are not the things I should be pondering this time of year. Ages ago a perfect present was given to all those who would accept it. The gift of a clean, stainless life. The gift of life never-ending. The gift of the most perfect love. I hope beyond hope that this Christmas everyone I know will experience even one moment of peace and love. A baby was born to save us all. A child went forward without fear to teach to those who didn’t believe. A man suffered through a life of persecution and pain, only for me, but also for you and for everyone human to ever breathe life. Please take time with me this year to think of that night in a cold manger where the light of the world lay peacefully sleeping; a night where a star shone brightly to show the way; a night where there must have been a presence of peace throughout the whole world. I imagine that at the moment of His birth the world changed. Hope, life, and true love was born with Him. The perfect gift, the gift from God that was himself; and it was for us. I hope that I have been able to show anyone who reads this a little bit of love. And my New Year’s resolution will be that I should not lose this passion to share the gift. I hope that my love for you reaches you as you read this, but mostly that His perfect love would touch your heart. Please know that he was born for you, let him love you and save you. Even if sometimes we all feel like the most we have to be thankful for is that our car is still running, or we paid the heating bill, or there was food on the table, we have SO much more to be thankful for. Let it touch your heart and lighten your load. There is more to this life than what we could ever touch or see or even imagine. God is so good.

Away in a manger,
no crib for His bed,
The little Lord Jesus
lay down his sweet head.
The stars in the sky
looked down where He lay
The little Lord Jesus,
asleep on the hay.

The cattle are lowing,
the poor Baby wakes,
But little Lord Jesus,
no crying He makes;
I love Thee, Lord Jesus,
look down from the sky
And stay by my cradle
till morning is nigh.

Be near me, Lord Jesus,
I ask Thee to stay,
Close by me forever,
and love me, I pray!
Bless all the dear children
in Thy tender care
And take us to heaven,
to Live with Thee there.

The Way I Love Michael

I pain, I cry, I shudder, my breath catches in my throat. Life is hard. My mind wanders and drifts to foggy places, I long for darkness to shutout all the thoughts of problems and conundrums that I cannot solve. Life is so hard. I try, I try again, but again I fail. Why is life so hard?

There you are. You are there, and my head begins to clear. You make me realize that there are problems, and there will always be a problem cropping up somewhere, but together we can wait it out. Maybe we can't fix everything, but we'll wait for daylight together. You'll hold my hand and kiss my tears and I know that no matter how hard things seem, you'll always do your best to make it better for me, and for our little one.

All my worries seem so small when I sit back and I look at you and how you are with me and with our son. You move in my heart, and I can feel that the very center of my heart, the very deepest and strongest part of my heart is yours. You hold all the pieces of me in your hands, and you hold me up high. You are proud of me and you love me, and you make me feel at peace, instead of pieces.

All my life I've scattered the pieces of me farther and farther apart to avoid feeling anything and now you're putting me together, and you're putting us together - making the pieces of Sarah and Michael one big complete puzzle, which we'll glue together with the trials and the hard times that we'll face and will get through with love and respect for each other.

Times will be tough, money will be tight, patience will be short, death and sickness will visit our home and our family, time will weary us, and I'll face situations that I would never imagine I could rise above, but because I am doing it all with you, because I am doing the rest of my life with you, I will know when I lay my head down on your shoulder each night that tomorrow is another day to love you and to love our baby and I will be okay, you make me okay. Thank you and I love you.

Your Hands

Your hands are my past. They are living proof of the passion betwen your father and me. They are the visual reminders of the sweet flutters you drummed out in my tummy which I can still feel when I think of them. They are the fruit of my labor, literally. What seemed like an agony that would never end produced the most perfect little hands the world has ever seen. Your hands are my past.

Your hands are my present. They are smooth, as if you are wearing small satin gloves. Your hands grip the tips of my fingers and send shockwaves of love to my heart. Your hands are dimpled, chubby, strong, curious, expressive, and often slobbery. Your hands are everything that any pair of happy little hands should be. Your hands are my present.

Your hands are my future. They will write wonderful thoughts onto paper. They will build incredible ideas into tangible magnificence. They will praise God, lead others, move mountains. No matter what I will always be proud of your hands. Your hands are my future.

I Love...

I love your EYELASHES, how they lay on your cheeks like a blanket of gentle snowfall; they are BEAUTIFUL.

I love your HANDS, how they bat, clutch, and explore. I love that there are eight miniatures dimples atop each where finger meets hand; they are BEAUTIFUL.

I love your EARS, perfect and tiny, how each lobe and fold are symmetrical and how each groove and curve are just as they should be; they are BEAUTIFUL.

I love your BELLY, the rise and fall of each breath that you take and your perfectly formed belly button adorning it like a whimsical ornament; it is BEAUTIFUL.

I love your FEET, how each toe stretches and curls,how they make such soft swift kicks against my body when I hold you close; they are BEAUTIFUL.

I love your VOICE, faltering, fluttering, and unsure, you discover each day a wonderful new coo, shriek, grunt, or the occasional magical giggle that you are capable of; it is BEAUTIFUL.

I love your EYES, as they scan the room for familiar faces, lock deeply with mine, and the way that they fight to stay open when you are tired before they slam shut like heavy metal doors; they are BEAUTIFUL.

I love your SMILE, though elusively shying away from the commitment of a photograph, you share that lovely piece of sunshiny heaven each day, warming my heart and soul through and through; it is BEAUTIFUL.

Baby, you are BEAUTIFUL... and what I LOVE is YOU!

31,529,600 Seconds of You and Me Plus One Makes Three

One year, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,529,600 seconds. Over 31 million seconds of enjoying every minute with you. Day one, "What's your problem, I'm hot." Day two, "Hey, Hi - this is me, this is Mike. I was just calling to say hi, and, um, talk to you - and maybe even see you. I would love to see you today. Call me back." Day five, "I Love You." Day 89, "It's positive." Day 186, "It's a boy." Day 278, "I'm a College Graduate!!!!" Day 303, "Welcome Baby Gray." Day 365, "Happy Anniversary, Happy Moving Day." So Sweetheart, here's to you, here's to me, here's to being as happy as three can be - someday four or maybe more!

My Wonderful Baby

My days are filled with soft whimpers and wonderous cries, punctuated with bottle feeding and diaper changing, made irreplacible by new discoveries such as a reflection in a mirror. This is the most special time in my life. I am tired and slightly delirious, but really my delirium is caused by happiness and pure joy. What more could a mother ever ask for than a healthy, robust boy who wonders at her in amazement and she at him. Better still is to watch his father and him stare into each other's eyes and know they share a fierce love, a love that bound their hearts tightly to each other at first sight and will never fade or lessen. To share a love so big that tears form in the corners of my eyes just to think of it each and every day in the warm space of my own home is the blessing that none could compare to. I live a charmed life and I will never take these times for granted, becuase I can already see them slipping away and I try frantically to file every moment in my mind forever captured like snapshots of my life. I hope that I will always remember the way that he smells in the morning when he coos at me, straining to catch my eye through the bars of his bassinette next to my bed. I hope that I will always remember how fine his hair is and that when I hold him I brush my cheek against the top of his head becuase it feels like down feathers. I hope that I will alwasy remember the involuntary smiles that he shares so often with me that make my heart leap and I laugh out loud at how he's all gums. I hope I will always remember every moment as our love for each other gets stronger and stronger each day. A love that grows without end, an eternity of love that will never fail either one of us.

Child of mine…
To my beautiful child,
Beautiful child, being so small you inspire me big,
Beautiful child, so fragile, you make me so strong,
Beautiful child, so tender your touch your power is great,
Beautiful child, small is your heart, infinite is the love I feel for you;
Beautiful child, your hand I’m anxious to hold, to walk life’s road with you by my side.
Beautiful child, your light will show me the way,
Beautiful child, you came to my life to teach me a lesson that I shall never forget…
Nor riches, nor power can give us the best things of life…
The smile of a child…Is the best of all rewards…

Ale Duncan